I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
