it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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