I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
