I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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