"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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