so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
