I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
BRING THE BAGELS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
