Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
