This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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