It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
