No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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