I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
