dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
