Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
