Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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