Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
