I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
