he thought i was a dude.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
