i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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