On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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