Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
