Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
