Say something about gay babies.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How external is "for external use only"?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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