i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
