I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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