I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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