I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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