...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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