I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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