Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
did i just pee glitter
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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