you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
