I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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