The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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