I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
