After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
