we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
