I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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