Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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