Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
