im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
