I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
