What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
