Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
