I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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