I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
