he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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