yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
