I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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