I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He better not be in your backpack
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
