a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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