no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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