you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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