in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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